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Caitlynn's Story
When we found out we were pregnant it was the happiest day of our lives. When we got married we decided we wanted a family right away. So much to our suprise we found out three months later we were getting our wish. I will never forget that day when I saw those two pink lines on the test. I was so happy but a little nervous and scared. Will we be good parents? Will I have a good pregnancy? You know all the normal stuff. We had plently of laughs and some tears. I didn't have much morning sickness. I was just soooo tired. When I went to the doctor for the first time they gave me a due date for the 23 of November.
We moved shortly after that. I saw a new doctor and he changed my due date to the 3rd of December. I still don't know why he did this. I honestly believe it should have been left where it was. I'll never forget the first time I heard her heartbeat. I was so thrilled! I was crying and smiling from ear to ear. I think that day it really hit me that this was happening! My pregnancy continued and with that my excitement grew. We found out that we were going to have a little girl on August 8. We had prayed for a little girl so we were thrilled!
I had put her nursery up when i was only four months along. (I was really excited). We were busy preparing for our little girl. I would lay in bed and listen to her heart beating for an hour at a time. Around my sixth month I had bad back pain. Like she was laying on a nerve. I couldn't hardly get up without help. But i was still happy. We went to our child birth classes and they told us what to expect. We read our books and I took my vitamins. When i was 35 weeks I went to my doctor because I thought I was losing fluid. I had a horrible nurse and she she told me I was overreacting and it was probably just urine. Then she sent me home.
For the next few weeks Caitlynns heartbeat would drop everytime I would go in. I just knew something was not right. I was due on the 3rd and my last appoint was the 4th. I went in that day and Caitlynns heartbeat was 120. From everything that I read and everything that i was told said that was not normal. The doctor again reassured me. I wasn't beliving it. I begged him to deliver her. She needed to come out. He told me the hospitals were full and it would be monday before he could deliver her. So he said if i came in monday and hadn't had her he would deliver then. My husband was going out of town that weekend and I would have been home all alone. I told my doctor this and he advised me not to go. But I told him I would have no choice. I was not going to have her by myself.
We left thursday night. I was having a few contractions. I had been for the past month but it was not causeing any change. I had been at 2 for almost 2 months. Friday night we had an auction and Caitlynn was kicking away. I woke up saturday morning just not feeling to well. I went to the auction and started having more contractions. I felt sick. I went to the bathroom and I started bleeding. I told my mother-in-law. She said I was probably going to have her that day. She told me to start timing my contractions and asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital. I said I'd wait because I didn't want to have to go and just be sent back. My contractions got to be about 5-7 minutes apart. So I told hubby was time to go.
We got to the hospital and got checked in they took me to L&D and had me change. Then one was checking me while one was hooking me up to monitors. I was still at 2 and the other nurse was having a time finding Caitlynn's heartbeat. I told her where to check and she did still nothing. Thats' when the nightmare started. The put and internal monitor on her. They were calling stat and neonatal. Someone had found the heartbeat it was only 84. They rushed me into c-section. The trip from the room to the operating room was like i was in a horrible dream. It all happened so quick. The nurse at my head kept telling me not to move. It was very important that I didn't move for me and my baby. She told me to just pray to look in her eyes and just pray. Then I felt the most horrible physical pain that I had ever felt. They had made the first cut and that's the last thing I remember.
The next little while was fuzzy. I remember bits and pieces. I remember that night holding caitlynn. I don't remember all of it. I remeber them comming to get her and i did not want them to. I took the shirt she had on and the blanket she had on and sent her with something else. They told us that we could come see her and take pictures. I couldn't wait to get out of that hospital. I remember feeling so guilty. I thought if I hadn't gone with my husband she would be ok. If I had went to the hospital sooner. If I would have fought harder. The doctor came in and tried to explain to us. He said she died of mecomium aspiration. There was no fluid left around her at all. That it was all meconium. He said that me coming up there would not have caused it. He told us that she had been in trouble for some time. At least 2 weeks. He even called my doctor and told him. The hospital there was so caring and supportive. I couldn't have asked for a better place to be in such a horrible time. They did everything they could to save her.
I got released from the hospital on tuesday tuesday night. The next day we got to go see Caitlynn. I remember feeling so happy I would get to see her again. I woke up that morning so sore. My milk had come it. It was horrible I was so engorged. I didn't even think about it. I just broke down. We got to the funeral home and I went in first. They had her wrapped up in a blanket laying on a table. I remember thinking that she would fall. I know crazy. Then I went over and picked her up. She was so beautiful. I went to kiss her and she was so cold. I was not expecting that. I held her and sang her You Are My Sunshine. The song I sang her all the time while in my tummy. I told her how sorry I was that I failed her. I willed her to wake up. She just looked like she was sleeping. She was so beautiful. Then the rest of our family came in. We took so many picture. We were there for four or five hours. I did not want to leave. We were having her body sent to Arkansas to be buried with family. When we left I just kept telling myself I would get to see her in a little while.
That night on the way home we got hit by somone running a light. There were nine of us in a 15 passenger van. Three of us were taken to the hospital. The told me if I had been wearing my belt that I would have been seriously hurt because of my csection. We were at the hospital for awhile then they released us with only minor injuries.
We finally got home and started getting ready to go back to Arkansas for Caitlynn's funeral. When I returned home my sis-in-law had put all of caitlynn things away. That was really hard to walk into my room and not see her stuff there. It had been there so long.
On the way back to Arkansas our truck had a blow out and we almost wrecked again. Thankfully my hubby is a good driver for he was able to get the truck under control. I think I only made it though that week and a half telling myself that I would get to see my baby again. We made it the night before her funeral. It was so cold that day and so windy. We had her a service at the funeral home. I held her for awhile. Then they told me it was time to start. I hated seeing her laying in that tiny casket. It really hit me hard when they closed it and put her in the hurse. At the gravesite I kept thinking the wind was going to blow her over. I then realized that was the last time I would see my baby on this earth.
It's been three years. I can't belive it. People say times heals. Time is not my friend. Time has made me really realize what I was missing. Her first smile, first step, her first word, first day of school, her graduation, wedding and being there when she has her babies. No time is not kind. I miss her so much!
When we got pregnant with my son and called to get the records from the doctor it took us fighting with them for almost five months. When we finally got them her records had been changed. They recorded her last heartbeat as 134. This was not true. They only gave me three pages for my whole pregnancy. I never missed an appointment. They did not include in there where I had went to them saying I was losing fluid. When I returned home from having caitlynn I had to go see this doctor. He never once offered me an apology. He told me that he had advised me not to go. I walked out crying.
My hope is it to make people aware that this happens. I had no clue, no warning. What happened to Caitlynn shouldn't have happened. There was no medical reason for her death. She was perfect. They never once did a stress test. The doctor said this simple test could have saved my childs live. If they had done more testing my little girl would still be here. If they had listened to me. If I had made them listen. I don't want Caitlynn's life and death to be in vain. So please if you know a woman that is having a baby or if you are having a baby. Be aware. Press you doctor for more test. Make them listen to you. My prayer is that Caitlynn's story will help someone else. Help keep someone from going through this hell. This happens way too much.
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